Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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