Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
