New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
