If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
