kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Oh god it's open bar.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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