Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
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He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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