We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
im holly from the hills drunk
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
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Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
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How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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