U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize