every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
