Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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