I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Randomize
