Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
