i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
