at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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