some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
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well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
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I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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