Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
