Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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