dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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