i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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