She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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