its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize