I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
