why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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