I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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