hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
