i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
