i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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