Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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