Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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