Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There's always time for handjobs
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
