the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I pour the whiskey from now on
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
