Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
