guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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