It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
