Don't make out with my wife yet
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
