Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
