a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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