There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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