Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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