when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
