There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
