ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
