also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
