On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she looked like the before picture.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
