Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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