she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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