Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
