I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
