When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
