I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
