so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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