allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
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