so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
