If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
