I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
