I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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