I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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