I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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