How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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