In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
