Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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